I had this realisation today whilst in the shower- stop picturing me naked, you pervert- anyway, back to my realisation…what if it is all one big distraction?
Bear with me. What if, as women, we have been distracted by things such as our body image, our ability as a mother, our ability to balance it all, to have it all? What if it is all a big unachievable goal to stop us from stepping into our true power?
Think about these goals...
Body image: we are conditioned to torture our bodies into shapes and sizes and colours which we are unable to achieve. As a result of this, not only are we constantly on a diet, but the goals we are looking to achieve are out of the realms of both our own genetics and, thanks to things such as photo editing, out of anyone’s genetic make-up. Our image is not only being compared to other women, but being compared with bodies that literally do not exist. This means that even those, seemingly elite, women who have what society deems to be acceptable body shapes are being photoshopped, so even they don’t feel worthy. We are told to defy all signs of ageing; as if ageing and surviving wasn’t a fucking privilege. I personally would not turn back the clock mentally or emotionally. I am constantly growing, burning old versions of myself and becoming new and yet I am conditioned to be ashamed of those changes in my physicality. I am beyond grateful for every year; not everyone gets that chance, it’s why we should celebrate birthdays. Yet, I am taught to make my tummy smaller, the one which grew two babies. I am taught to keep those boobs pert; ya know, the ones which fed those babies. We cover the greys, we plump the lips, we edit the photos, we filter. We attach our worth to how our bodies look and often forget to tune into how our bodies actually feel. I remember always feeling disappointed after a haircut, because I didn’t look like the woman in the photo, it didn’t quite fix all the problems and it didn’t make me feel worthy. I have come to discover that none of these things ever will. Now don’t get me wrong, of course I want to feel good, for me and dressing and styling myself is a part of that. But it's not that entirely, it’s a much bigger picture and it isn’t achieved from anything outside of ourselves. This I know for sure. And as long as we keep focusing on these unattainable goals, which never really make us feel good, we will keep buying into them and changing who we are in the hope that finally we will feel good enough.
Your Power - Billie Eilish
So my question is who does this serve?
It doesn’t serve me, or any other woman I know. Does it feel good to be hungry? No, but it does feel good to nourish your body. Does it feel good to exhaust it through vigorous exercise? No, but it does feel good to move it in a loving compassionate way, which suits your body.
It serves the economy...
The diet and cosmetic surgery industries are thriving. But what if it’s bigger than that? What if by keeping women in particular distracted, it keeps us from stepping into the powerful beings that we are, and stops us from claiming what is rightfully ours. Things such as: equal pay, equal opportunities, a seat at the table, positions of authority. Whilst we all focus on the outside, we never fully connect to who we really are: strong, powerful, deserving, capable, worthy, resilient, angry, feeling, empathic, healing, open and fully whole beings. Why are we conditioned to play small? As though there is a lack of these opportunities to go around, as though stepping into our power means stripping others of theirs. Why are we so afraid of other women’s power? We have all been there, myself included, looking at other women and feeling uncomfortable because she is ‘too full of herself’. Only now I stop myself, forgive myself for that thought and reframe it, because the only reason I have ever felt that way is because I am threatened by a woman in her power. And instead of being pissed off about that or fearful of her, I am inspired. I send her love and I use that as a little sign that I am not standing in mine, because no woman truly in her own power would be threatened by another.
(Me and my friends)
So ladies, if you see me looking at you, assume it’s because...
I admire you and the job you are doing. I am looking at that magical body of yours in awe, for all that it is. I am looking at the outfit you chose and I am hoping you chose it for you and you alone. If you launch a business, I am rooting for you, and I’ll support anyway I can. If you are feeding your baby, in whatever way that works for you, I am thinking what a weapon you are for caring for another human. If your toddler is screaming and I look over, it’s because I am saying; ‘I have been there, it’s hard, but it is temporary. I see you and you are doing a fantastic job. Your kid feels safe enough to scream in their discomfort, to feel their feelings. YOU make them feel safe - WELL FUCKING DONE’. If you choose to stay at home with those kids, enjoy it, and let me know if you need a break or a rant when it all gets too much. If you choose not to have kids, I applaud you too, it’s your life, live your truth. If you want to get married or if you don’t… good for you. I am calling a cease fire.
You are a Badass - Jen Sincerco
I am done being distracted; I am done being told how to look and how to feel. I am rooting for you all. I want us all to win.